The Downside(s)

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In general, working from home is so very awesome (tell us something new, LG). There are however a few downsides (are you whining about work again LG?).

No, just the facts…

Working at home involves a lot of email. Like, a lot.

Without any exaggeration (you gotta love that preface…) I have only met with my one client once in 2 years and spoken to them on the phone 3 times, (and one was a crank call, okay, just kidding) Oh, and FYI, he’s my favourite client. And because (I know, don’t start a sentence with a conjunction, duh) I’m fairly autonomous in what I do (because, like who cares about social media, right?) I don’t often have a lot of ‘in real life’ (IRL) communication with my clients.

And that’s cool, (more poor grammar; please excuse! I’m not on the clock, it’s my blog gall darnit!)

However, at times, there’s things I need to know, ask or request.

Like for instance (wow, I’m on a poor grammar roll!)…

Subject: 1 question

LG: Hi Greg,

I hope everything is going well with you, I have 1 question…

I understand Lionel is starting July 1st. Could you possibly send me his biography within the first few days of July? I will use this as a blog article, on the ‘about us page’ and in the next eNewsletter.

Thanks so much,

LG

Greg’s response

(no greeting or hello… that’s cool…)

Lionel does not start until July 1st. So it only makes sense to send you his bio within the first week of July. I think this would be great to include this in the July eNewsletter.

LG (in my head)

You’re frickin brilliant. Yes! Perfect. Wow. I gotta write that shit down, as it’s such a unique and original concept to grasp. Where oh where did you come up with that idea? 

LG’s Response

Hi Greg,

That sounds great! I look forward to receiving his bio in the first week of July.

Have a great day!

LG

——-

Or this:

Subject: 3 things

Hi Mackie,

1) I’m available for a meeting online on Tuesday at 3pm as previously discussed. Are you still available to meet at that time?

2) I have prepared the report for the next steps of the marketing plan. Please review the attached document ‘Next Steps: Marketing Plan’. If you have any questions or comments, please let me know before our meeting.

3) Did you happen to attain the Giant Panda from China? If so, I’ll like to name in James in honour of my grandfather. Please let me know – thanks!

Have a great day, I look forward to hearing back from you.

LG

Mackie’s Response

(No greeting or salutation, please note the grammatical errors.)

I tart work a 10 on Mondays,

LG (in my head)

Wow, that is so informative and helpful. Let me mark that on my calendar under the the heading ‘WTF Are You Talking About? Have You Had Your ADD Tested Lately?’ (Just a joke, I fully understand that ADD is a real medical problem for millions of people.)

LG’s Real Response

Hi Mackie,

Thanks for your reply. In regards to my last email, I have 3 questions… please send me your response as soon as convenient. Thanks so much for your time.

1) I’m available for a meeting on Tuesday at 3pm. Are you available to meet at that time online as previously discussed?

2) I have prepared the report for the next steps of the marketing plan. Please review the attached document ‘Next Steps: Marketing Plan’ If you have any questions or comments, please let me know before our meeting.

3) Did you happen to attain the Giant Panda from China? If so, I’ll like to name in James in honour of my grandfather. Please let me know if this works for you. Thanks so much!

I look forward to your response. Talk to you soon,

LG

Mackie’s response:

Hi LG,

Its been a crasy week hear wow really so busy thanks for you’re email ive only just red it and so important yes the proposal Tues at 6pm is perfect and the jaguar isn’t ready for pick up although I mind some sliver and thas was awsom.

LG (in my head)

Dear Moron,

Are you frickin drunk? It’s 9am on a Monday, so wow, good for you. I sent you 3 questions nearly a week ago. My uber sneaky, ninja email software tells me you opened it 4 days ago in Delaware. Delaware? If you went to Delaware, this is something I should know. Howabout my 3 very direct, hard to misunderstand questions? Can you focus for 8 seconds and answer me so I can do my job… y’know… the thing you pay me for? 

LG’s Real Response

Hi Mackie, 

Wow, that sounds exciting! I didn’t realize you were out of town. With regard to the 3 questions I asked you last Tuesday, if you could get back to me as soon as possible? I’d really appreciate it. Thanks so much.

LG

Like, really? Could you imagine walking into someone’s office, and asking them, “What time is the meeting today?” and them replying, “Monkey jackass sausage brains light switch leg twitch!”

Why is email communication so lost in translation? Seriously? I’m gonna estimate I waste 10 hours a week trying to:

  • Decipher poor grammar and spelling.
  • Receive an answer to an email that I sent.
  • Receive an answer to an email that I sent.
  • Receive an answer to an email that I sent.

Of course I receive daily the ‘random thought’ emails… one of my life’s true joys. These people will send 8 emails within 4 minutes in reply to one email… each email featuring a poorly written random thought. With my super sneaky ninja email program, I can seriously see that they have not even finished reading the email completely before replying! Seriously?

Here’s my advice.

  • Receive the email
  • Read the email
  • Take a breath if necessary
  • Re-read the email if necessary
  • Reply thoroughly to said email
  • Get on with life
  • Then drink alcohol
  • Enjoy! Now knowing you have the love and etiquette email approval of LG! (Wow, 2012? Time flies.)

Oh, and of course there’s the people that just don’t bother to check their email anymore… because there’s too many of them…

It’s all just entertainment now. Like seriously…  so… If someone who pays me can’t be bothered to properly reply… why should I care?

Right?

(Thing is though… I do)

HENCE!

(…end scene… fade to black)

Random picture:
432William and my nephew Myles… whose college graduation is tomorrow. I’m so proud of him! Oh, and he’s valedictorian of his class! Amazing.

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One thought on “The Downside(s)

    GOM in Oklahoma said:
    June 16, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Damn! Your nephew must be a genius to be graduating college at such a young age!

    I can imagine that getting a straight answer via emails is tough … but it’s not any easier when I’m face-to-face with my boss. I’ve been asking for the same list of the same things for about three years now. A simple list that would take him 5 minutes to compile seeing that he has access to that info but I don’t. I anticipate I’ll still be waiting for that list until he retires (which was supposed to be July 1 but is now “maybe” the end of the year) and is replaced by someone else who will ignore my request for the list.

    In your case, though, it must be a matter of translation issues. Surely those ‘business’ people writing that unintelligible crap cannot be native English speakers.

    Just go ahead and name the Giant Panda James and then tell them they agreed to it. they won’t remember.

    .

    Semi-personal note on email. What really bothers me is when someone I’ve written to several times suddenly quits answering for no reason … then later tells me my email was lost in the spam folder. How the hell does that happen? And (so what!?), am I the only person who looks in their spam filter occasionally to see if something is ‘misplaced’ there?

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